I write about random objects: KIKKI K PLANNERS

In I WRITE ABOUT RANDOM OBJECTS, I literally write about random objects to encourage myself to a) write, b) develop opinions, c) keep this blog active, and d) because I need to do something with my days to drown out the voices in my head saying “YOU’RE A PIECE OF GARBAGE” and “YOU SHOULD BUY MORE SCENTED CANDLES”.

Today’s topic is Kikki K planners, and no, I am in no way endorsed by Kikki K but I would gladly take the endorsement if they’re offering. WEEEEEEIIIIIINK (that’s “wink” spelled in a phonetically obnoxious way).

2017 was the year I finally bought AND USED a planner successfully. I’d bought planners in the past, especially after my 12 year-old-self saw New York Minute where Ashley Olsen’s uptight character has a planner she uses religiously (see below, it was hot as fuck like don’t you even lie). Upon re-watching New York Minute very recently, it’s actually a super problematic and legitimately weird film that is essentially a terrible knock-off Ferris Bueller’s Day Off where Andy Richter puts on a Chinese accent and keeps trying to lock the Olsen twins in a car while they run around New York City in a towel. Eugene Levy is also there trying to take pictures of Mary-Kate Olsen and stalking her (A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT) all the way to NYC instead of doing his job as a principal. It also acts as commentary (at the time) of the music pirating industry??

Anyway, the character I modelled myself off (Ashley Olsen’s Jane Ryan) turned out to be an anxiety-ridden Republican who had a George W. Bush bobble-head on her desk. We have the anxiety and OCD stuff in common, but it ends there. Mainly because she’s waaaaaay hotter than me, but also the gross conservative political stuff she’s into. But mainly the hotness. But DAMN, her day planner was beautiful.

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Ashley Olsen’s planner in New York Minute.

This year, while working full-time at a startup that demanded a shit-tonne of energy for an abysmal pay packet in return, as well as preparing a solo show for the comedy festival, teaching improv, and then developing content for television in every tiny spare moment my life, I needed a planner. Finally! My life was busy and fulfilling enough to need a day planner to get my shit together.

Planners are great. You can carry it around and look like an uptight little bitch (something I’ve always wanted to be perceived as) and have a life where you’re on top of deadlines, bills, noting down when your period is, getting annoyed because you have a systematically irregular period that always arrives way later than it should so your planner is just a reminder that once you had to take the conceptive pill just to kickstart your menstrual cycle after not getting it for 6 months because you were exercising too much during your first year of univ- wait what were we talking about? Oh yeah, how great planners are. Not my history of eating disorder-induced Amenorrhea.

My Kikki K Planner (again, I am very open to sponsorship, @kikkik) makes me feel like the person I was told by pop culture and Cosmopolitan that I should want to be. I have an adorable leather-bound (or some shit) large blue planner with little gold speckles on it that makes me feel like maybe I can have it all. In reality, I quit my startup job because I was 2 Stressed 2 Furious starring Vin Diesel (RIP Paul Walker I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again ft. Charlie Puth or whatever) but I still use my planner everyday to make me feel purposeful even though I am not.

You should buy one, maybe it’ll solve all your problems*

*it won’t

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